Lev

First time after so long to be so sick, feeling so lonely and not having someone by me to just tell me to just take care. Okay life needs to go on right. Haha I declare the toilet bowl my life-long enemy, I spent my whole of monday sleeping and being in the toilet, my body just had to make me vomit and have diarrhoea at the same time. Can you imagine how horrible it feels to be releasing toxic out of your body both from the top and the bottom? Hahahaha I actually felt like I was going to die anytime soon. But luckily I didn't miss the Teachers' Day celebrations!! Hehe but the even more awesomeeee thing is that I got my long-awaited-sleep, it's like I'm justfied to sleep and I won't feel guilty if I spend my time on sleeping :D

I'm sure this is gonna be a long post because I just finished a phone conversation with one of the girlies and had a few short ones with the rest during some time today. I don't know why, but it's like some chain effect. One after one, every single relationship is crumbling right before my eyes and I've to see all my these girlies go through the same painful process that I went through not long ago. And I realise that blogger has became the best avenue for me to rant my thoughts on because I'm not bothering anyone. Oh well but if you're reading this, it's because you don't mind me bothering you hahaha.

You know, I really amused at myself for being able to speak and think so rationally when I'm comforting them but being dumb enough to not be able to apply it in my own case. One of them asked me 'Lev ah, what should I do? I feel so horrible that I can't focus on anything at all. I just want to cry every single second.' And I replied her, 'Cry loh, there's no point in me asking you to stop thinking about it because I know it's impossible and if you force yourself too much, the whole thing will just backfire. Furthermore, there's no solution to this, you just have to grit your teeth and go through it.' It's true that even if you try your very best to pretend that everything is fine and that you can simply just let go, there will always be times (esp at night) when you're alone and a memories come flooding to you and you can't help but feel sad. Hmm but if you can just hold on and tide through that night, it shows that you've become a stronger person (or maybe you've became numb to the pain) and the next time, you'll become more immune to that sadness. I guess the hardest thing for you to accept is that this guy who once made you think of marrying him has just crushed all your hopes on marriage.

Yeah and it sucks to know that the other party have very well moved on and probaly start loving someone else, leaving you at the very same spot. This reminds me of how one keeps on running on a trackmill, but no matter how long or how fast he tries to run, he'll end up on the same exact spot, how sad right. But this is how life is, sad. Haha I don't know when have I became so pessimistic about life, maybe it's like because as I grow older and go through much heartwrecking experiences, I learnt that as much as life has it's happy and colourful side, it also has it's depressing and dull side. So, I've to accept both the faces that life possess.

I'm sure there have been so many words that often lingered at the tip of your tongue, but no matter what, it just can't slip out of your mouth. Simply just so because you're afraid that it'll hurt the other party and how it may not acquire your desired outcome. Sometimes it's not because I don't want to try anymore but because I'm afraid to try cause the hurt inflicted was so painful that I can't imagine having to go through it again, don't want to go through the period that I can cry till I've no more tears and don't want to go through the My-life-is-a-disaster period again. It's scary to even think about it.

There are still so many things that I've learnt throughtout these whole two months but I'm really lazy to continue typing. I'm beginning to feel restless and drowsy cause of the the medicine. Sighhh although I've lost someone really important to me in life, but I gained and learnt alot more (: I think it's enough, enough of all these unnecessary stress that tries of comforting myself that all is well and everything is going to be just fine as long as I believe and trust that God will work things out for me. Wake up, reality is here okay, fairytales really doesn't exist anymore!!

Yawns, I need to sleep now. Oh yeah I forgot to mention that this is gonna be the last post on how sad and miserable my life is, cause from this very second on, I'll be a happy girl (: