me-holdingontoyou

The thin line

2012-01-29T12:07:00.002+08:00

"With expectation, comes disappointment."

How true.

And never believe when someone says "I promise."

It never gets there.

Hear my voice

2011-11-09T22:10:00.004+08:00

Hey there

As much as I had hated you,

I did wish you can move on and learn how to trust yourself.

Don't really know if you'll ever get to read this but just gotta let you know that you're amazing the way you are.

The way you walk,

the way you smile,

the way you talk.

Basically everything about you is amazing.

But I need this one big favor from you,

and that's to crawl out of your past and live like there's no tomorrow.

Please.

Cause you deserve someone way better.

But I'm moving on;

2011-05-27T10:29:00.003+08:00

I think I need another getaway trip, reality sucks but it's not gonna get me down. Afterall, I can only blame myself for not studying hard enough. Tasted ultimate failure for the first time in my entire life and I don't think I want to have a taste of it again. So let's just work hard and study smart, I do believe 'there's always light at the end of the tunnel'.

Life sucks, take drugs.

2011-05-15T18:15:00.004+08:00

I hate it when all these uncertainty sets in, my life have been pretty much perfect for the past 19 years. All I've got to say is that my future is bleak, I think I'm gonna end up as a road sweeper or a toilet cleaner. So I don't wanna hang on to things or people that I probably won't be able to bring along with me when the new term starts.

Move on alright, people come and go in life. It's not as though you've never experienced it.
Once bitten, twice shy.

A pocket full of poises

2011-01-11T13:36:00.001+08:00

It's great cause it never fails to get my mind off you but I know it's wrong. Greed, can kill one conscious. But I'm still struggling to keep afloat, thinking that maybe it's not that bad if I consider it as mutual help. Didn't expect things to turn out the way I least expect it to have. Yeah I know nothing good will come out of this, oh wells. Let's see how it goes.

Anyway work has been meaningful. I guess it's the reason why I chose not to quit despite the low pay. Met Jason's mum ytd and saw how she had to struggle and get by with her two sons. The feeling she gave me was like she's sorry for her sons' plight. So, I guess a mother's love is probably the most magnificant thing on earth. Oh, and waitressing haha. It was fun, since I had training on how to carry trays. In which, I didn't fall and break all the glasses (I know many are guessing that I would hahaha but too bad, you're wrong). But all the Italian food name are driving me nuts now. Oh gosh.

debt

2010-12-23T08:05:00.004+08:00

I must have owed you in my previous life.

When I woke up, I was so happy cause my new drawstring bag just reached me and I was thinking to myself that it's gonna be a happy day. But yeah, my world crumbled again when I checked my phone. If you don't want people to know anything, then don't tell anyone. Aren't you the best at saying how you shouldn't trust anyone? Then go ahead and do what you preach. Get on with your life alright and it seriously doesn't matter whether I know or not, cause I don't care. You don't know how much effort I've put in and how many buckets of tears I've dropped to get to where I am today. So let me tell you, I'm not going to fall because of you again.

I'M SO FREAKINGGGGGG PISSED OFF.

Revelation

2010-11-28T23:06:00.000+08:00

Flea market at Haji lane! I was really happy when I spent the money buying the things that I wanted at that point of time but when I got home and was sorting out the clothes, I wondered why did I buy all those. Haha okay this never fails to happen to me. It felt superrrrrr duperrrr shiokk to be able to just do nothing and go shopping. The feeling of not having books in my bag is simply fantastic. Heh but the sad thing is that from the Clinton era, I've moved on to the George Bush era ): BUDGET DEFICIT!!! And there's still prom to spend on D: D: D:

Oh no, shopping again tomorrow. Hahaha I'd better get a job soon, if not I'll move on to the Obama era where the deficit is gonna exceed the GDP ):

And hey there, don't be too sad okay. It's the jerk's loss for losing you. Like what we concluded, it's better to end it here and learn how to move on and pick ourselves up when we fall. It's not gonna be easy but we'll work hard together alright (: I know it's difficult to see that your friends are still in contact with him and probably doesn't know how much it impacts you to hear about him, even if it's about the slightest thing. Oh well but life goes on right, let's just grit our teeth and get over it. Afterall, we won't be here for long. By then, it'll be better I hope.

On a side note, don't believe if a guy says that he's too hurt and never ever wants to get into a relationship again cause the next moment, you can probably see him holding the hands of another girl.

Friday night out

2010-11-19T23:57:00.000+08:00

Two more papers to go!

It's a wonderful friday night cause I spent it in town.
The feeling of going in and out of shops totally make me smile like I haven't did for a long long time. I tend to just stray away from people and when I 'regain consciousness' I start looking for them hahahaha. I don't know why shopping makes me happy but sadly, this happiness is just temporary.

I'm so going to go back to f21 to get the bangles. Sigh but thinking of the huge huge hole that's gonna be in my pocket next month, I can't bear to buy anything else now ):

Christmas decos are more or less up now, and I'm gonna walk the streets of Orchard with Kwok Junwei! (I wonder if army guys are given leave on christmas?) But I still don't feel the christmas atmosphere yet. I guess it's due to A levels. Mr A's, please get out of my life soon. Okay it's actually four more days only!!!! Omg I can't wait for it.

Hehe time to get some rest and prepare to fight again tomorrow! Go Lev <3

Broken promise

2010-11-01T09:13:00.003+08:00

虽然很努力练习着忘记
我的心却还没答应可以放弃了你
真的对不起答应了你不再爱你
我却还没答应我自己

My house is such a nice place to nuaaaaa and just do nothing.
I better get out soon.
Hmm school? Haha.

OMG

2010-10-27T22:55:00.004+08:00

I'm awesome, really.
Never knew how dumb and ridiculous I can actually get. Haha I'm trying to do the impossible.

And this is in a very very sacastic tone, I think it's because those piles of notes on my table drove me crazy.

Life goes on

2010-10-27T08:07:00.003+08:00

I got up really early to prepare for history consultation and the headache almost killed me ytd night ): What's the point of studying? Like seriously. But there seems to be no answer to this pathetic question of mine.

Anyway I'm here cause I need to sort out my feelings before going to school. People just have to make the best out of what they have and that's true. But being down and sad does not mean that I'm not trying to be the best that I can be or that I'm not putting in the effort to make the situation better. I've really been trying to be a happier girl.

Even so, I've long accepted that it's my fault and I know you've always thought that I'm the one at wrong. Just that I thought that as time passes, you might be able to understand why I did that. Guess I was wrong about it.

Oh well just remember that I should never ever get emotionally attached to anyone again, cause it's difficult to get detached. So difficult that sometimes, I secretly wished that memories could be deleted.

And I was thinking, is it possible that what's left is just guilt and nothing else?

Hi stresssssssssssssssss

2010-10-22T23:11:00.002+08:00

I miss asking Silky: " Whyyyyyy you don't need to study?" ):
I don't want to study anymore, I'm so sick of Chemistry, History, Econs, Maths and GP. And that's like everything hahaha. I'm like running a fever since ytd and everything is just not going right for me. Like I was preparing salad for my lunch today and I realised that the thousand island had expired just right after I poured it into my bowl of fruits, so there goes my lunch. I know such stuffs are trivial but still ): Anway I need to control my diet from tomorrow onwards, I'm always getting hungy now!! Oh no.

Okay, the world sucks. It really does.
Just like how behind every single beautiful story lies a sad one.

P.S. Hahahaha actually today is quite a happy day la :D

FYI, I'm not a walking joke.

2010-10-19T04:23:00.001+08:00

Should I actually doubt your intelligence level or should I doubt mine?

Excuse me, your sudden silence and then outburst of laughter after I'm out of the toilet made me feel really uncomfortable. But primarily, it's just disappointment my my side. I really do wonder what you've told her to make her (and her friend too) see me as a joke to the extent that I can still hear her all-so-loud laughters even after walking five steps and then bumping into you. Oh how great yeah. I'm beginning to feel detestful towards everything that is going on. I'm so sick and tired of all the weird stares that I get. It's not easy to tolerate all these stares (that actually makes me feel like a sinner towards you) and then act as if nothing happened you know. I've already decided to throw away any little hope that I'm still harbouring so you all may actually want to leave me alone.

It became relatively unbearable even after gulping down one whole can of coffee. Cause the feeling to being treated as a fool really sucks. To begin with, I shouldn't have trusted. Should have just continued to close myself up and treat any other guy that comes along as a passer-by, and nothing more than that. I've probably convinced myself that love is some complex toxic that was invented by the aliens to wipe out the human race by slowing ripping everyone's heart apart. Even so, the funny thing is that the foolish humans still willingly get attacked by this toxic time and again, even if they know that in the end, they will probably just end up torn and tattered.

Then again, they are stupid people. But I'm not. So hey there, please don't treat me like one, cause the eruption of a inactive volcano may be too spectacular a scene for you all, so you may actually want to give it a miss. Just go ahead with anything that you two deem fit and I'm not gonna give a damn about it.

Thank you.

My story with AJ

2010-10-16T00:16:00.003+08:00

To me, I don't know if graduation day is a joyous or sad occasion.

When I was on my way home just now, I wondered if I'd ever miss AJ, or rather the people in AJ. These two years, esp this year, is probably the most happening year of my life. I've learnt alot, so much that sometimes I thought I could have died from the overloading of emotions, thoughts and tears. It was only this year that I realised the world is not what I'd believed it to be for the past 17 years of my life and there are so many sides of people that maybe, I'd rather not discover. There are many things that I can't change, so what I can do is to change myself. I guess that these are important life lessons that I should have learnt long ago, haha. It came a little too late yeah. Hmm but now, I can say that I've grown up, at least by a little bit (:

Of course there are lots of awesome things that happened in my story with AJ and I'm sincerely grateful for them. I've a wonderful hockey team that made me know what is it like and how does it feel to be not just fighting for myself alone but fighting and giving my best for my other team mates, Saiful, Ms Tay, Benson, and all the guys that sat at the spectator stand to cheer us on. It felt nice, really nice to have you all with me throughout this two whole years. Good and bad things happened, but it does pay off to just focus on the happy memories and let go of the unpleasant one. Because you won't know if the person would write a new chapter in your life in the future. And I really love you all, I really do, you all made life so much easier and you all are the people I would never forget <3

Other than the hockey peeps, there's also my lovely class. Hehe they're such a bunch of sweet people that I thought bees would actually swamp to them. Love everything that I've gone through with you girls and guys (Ariel and Melv). We're a class made up of weird people and that's what make us unique yeah. I think I've said my piece to you all in class today. Oh sorry for the long winded talk I gave, I was a little high and crazy then hahahaha. Once again, thank you 36/09! :D

And for the other people who are not in the hockey team or from my class, I also thank you for making my life so much more bearable in school so thank you.

Okay it's the final lap and do your best!
Fighting.

(It's kinda difficult to be writing down my feelings to everyone here cause it'll be too long and I'll get emotional. So after Mr A's leave my life, I'll embark on my special dedications hahaha,)

36, a problematic class?

2010-10-08T01:57:00.002+08:00

I beg to differ.

What you said may be factually correct but you shouldn't have put it across to the class like that. Giving individuals problems at this point of time is just so wrong and senseless a thing to do.

Our class is not hopeless, we still fighting for what we want and we're doing this for ourselves. Grades doesn't explain everything, and definitely not one's character. Just shouldn't generalize, really. Sometimes, words can inflict so much pain onto someone without even yourself knowing it.

Yeah you're right that the world doesn't just revolve around our self and no one's circumstance is perfect, it's the way we react that makes a difference. Skipping school is indeed not a effective way to solve problem, but that doesn't mean we're running away from our problem. It may probably just mean that we need our own personal space and time to settle and sort things out.

And woah, 36 is a problematic class. Is this how teachers should label students? I'm disappointed, utterly disappointed. I don't know what to say anymore. Never felt so exasperated as now.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

One more week only, I hope school can end on a better note.
(As much as it probably can't get any worse.)

Point blank

2010-10-06T16:11:00.005+08:00

Ever had the thought of just falling into a deep deep sleep and never wake up?

I had.

My heart, it just won't stop hurting.

End of story

2010-10-02T22:57:00.003+08:00

Ohhh I walked home from srg cc today. It was a nice walk under the stars, but somehow I wished that maybe there could be another person walking with me, then it wouldn't have felt that lonely and empty. An hour of walking did my heart some good, gazing at the stars make me felt that you're still watching out for me from above. I don't know why but I've been thinking of you quite frequently these few days.

I thought three months' of effort and hardwork have finally shown a little result in my life. But no, not yet. I kept on telling myself that I don't have time to grieve over spilled milk cause there are so many things waiting for me to complete. But ytd I really couldn't help it. I didn't know how to express my feelings and emotions that's why I cried, I'm really sorry for worrying you all early in the morning ):

It's really a feeling that I can't explain and I just felt like crying. It's so familiar a scene that I know doesn't belong to me anymore, so real a story I know I can't return to anymore. And it's just going to be a bus model that remains in the box cause I'm the only one left in it.

Afterall, our story didn't end with happily ever after..

Yellow

2010-09-30T00:14:00.002+08:00

Tell me how should I feel.
Sad? Disappointed? Heartache? Worthless? Foolish? or Just-don't-care?

Cause I feel nothing now.
I was wondering today if it's because I'm already numb to it that even when the news come whacking at my face, I can just laugh it off, turn and walk away.

I feel that I've changed, and not being to feel like yourself is quite scary.

Just that little bit

2010-09-29T00:32:00.000+08:00

I'm just a little too not over you -- David Archuleta

It never crossed my mind at all
That's what I tell myself
What we had has come and gone
You're better off with someone else

It's for the best I know it is but I see you
Sometimes I try to hide what I feel inside
And I turn around you're with her now
I just can't figure it out

Tell me why you're so hard to forget
Don't remind me I'm not over it
Tell me why I can't seem to face the truth
I'm just a little too not over you not over you

Aren't memories supposed to fade
What's wrong with my heart
Shake it off let it go
Didn't think it'd be this hard

Should be strong moving on but I see you
Sometimes I try to hide what I feel inside
And I turn around you're with her now
I just can't figure it out

Tell me why you're so hard to forget
Don't remind me I'm not over it
Tell me why I can't seem to face the truth
I'm just a little too not over you

Maybe I regret everything I said
No way to take it all back yeah
Now I'm on my own how I let you go
I'll never understand
I'll never understand

Tell me why you're so hard to forget
Don't remind me I'm not over it
Tell me why I can't seem to face the truth
I'm just a little too not over you

Tell me why you're so hard to forget
Don't remind me I'm not over it
Tell me why I can't seem to face the truth
And I really don't know what to do
I'm just a little too not over you not over you

Fun love & laughters

2010-09-23T23:11:00.012+08:00

Generally, today was a happy day (:

End of prelims and the start of post prelims partyyy <3 Went ice skating with my class girlies at KLP and it was so so so fun :D We should go there together again soon. I fell once though and got a pale blue back on my right knee, haha but it kinda reminds me of those time when I get blue blacks like it's free during hockey training. I miss hockey so much ): But needa wait till Mr A gets out of my life first, so I don't have to study anymore!

Hehe KBOX after that with Juinli and Peiwen! I'm going there again tmr with the cedarians hahahahaha I'm so happy. A whole line of activities lined up to occupy myself with play play and play. It'll get my mind off work, exams and other frustrating issues, hopefully. Okay actually it will, I'm quite sure. Like how it did for me today. Oh since I'm still quite awake, I shall upload today's photos onto fb now hahaha.

Usual ice cream and tea session with Joy Foo <3

How lucky am I to have all these wonderful girls by me to tide through this difficult time, loveeeee you all :D

But for last night, for a second, just for that second, I thought if it was still you, maybe I'm willing to give it another shot. But reality set in soon after, and I know it's impossible to return.

This special number

2010-09-22T23:44:00.001+08:00

Twenty-two;

It still does hold a certain significance to me.

I'm just ranting

2010-09-19T00:08:00.003+08:00

ARGHHHHHHHH I CAN'T MAKE SENSE OF MY CURRENT LIFE, CAN SOMEONE PLEASE LEND A LISTENING EAR OR HELPING HAND AND TELL ME WHAT TO DO? D:

Sometimes I really wonder why God created Adam and Eve,
why didn't he just create either one of them.
Then maybe, I'd be a little better off.

Okay back to study history, I just needed this little ranting session after going back to that place today.

Hi sadness

2010-09-18T00:30:00.001+08:00

Can you just leave me alone and never come back again?
I'm so sick of you knocking on my door as and when you like. You make my immune system so weak and vulnerable to all those bacteria and germs. You make me feel depressed and vomit out that already so pathetic amount of food that I can possibly consume. I know you're satan and I needa fight you to become strong again, but now I really don't have the energy to.
You may be having all the fun in the world taking my emotions on a rollercoaster ride, but just fyi, I'm not exactly having a great time here. I hate to feel sad and lose my happy self.
I know all these visits from you will be inevitable for now but I'll be very grateful if you can like postpone these visits and come only after my A levels. Because right now, I don't want to think about anything else besides my studies.
Yes A levels, the all so almighty exam that took away so many things in my life, I cannot lose to it you know.

Thank you so much for your kind understanding.

The great Chef

2010-09-06T22:36:00.000+08:00

I cooked my own lunch today :D
And I didn't burn my hand or overturn the pot or let the egg fall off the stove and cover my kitchen floor with egg white and egg yolk okayyyyyy! Hahahaha. The dish you see above is vegetable with mushroom and egg, plus white rice. Oh my rice!! I finally manage to cook it such that it's dry you know :D It didn't become porridge (like last time) or did I burn the rice (like last last time). Hahaha. Hmm the dish didn't taste super fantastic, but it's edible okay (: Kwok JunWei, next time I cook for you okay, I bet you'll be super impressed!!

Okay bye, I'm going back to mugger land to report, mugger King only gave me a 15mins holiday ):

Happily ever after is just a lie

2010-09-01T00:07:00.002+08:00

First time after so long to be so sick, feeling so lonely and not having someone by me to just tell me to just take care. Okay life needs to go on right. Haha I declare the toilet bowl my life-long enemy, I spent my whole of monday sleeping and being in the toilet, my body just had to make me vomit and have diarrhoea at the same time. Can you imagine how horrible it feels to be releasing toxic out of your body both from the top and the bottom? Hahahaha I actually felt like I was going to die anytime soon. But luckily I didn't miss the Teachers' Day celebrations!! Hehe but the even more awesomeeee thing is that I got my long-awaited-sleep, it's like I'm justfied to sleep and I won't feel guilty if I spend my time on sleeping :D

I'm sure this is gonna be a long post because I just finished a phone conversation with one of the girlies and had a few short ones with the rest during some time today. I don't know why, but it's like some chain effect. One after one, every single relationship is crumbling right before my eyes and I've to see all my these girlies go through the same painful process that I went through not long ago. And I realise that blogger has became the best avenue for me to rant my thoughts on because I'm not bothering anyone. Oh well but if you're reading this, it's because you don't mind me bothering you hahaha.

You know, I really amused at myself for being able to speak and think so rationally when I'm comforting them but being dumb enough to not be able to apply it in my own case. One of them asked me 'Lev ah, what should I do? I feel so horrible that I can't focus on anything at all. I just want to cry every single second.' And I replied her, 'Cry loh, there's no point in me asking you to stop thinking about it because I know it's impossible and if you force yourself too much, the whole thing will just backfire. Furthermore, there's no solution to this, you just have to grit your teeth and go through it.' It's true that even if you try your very best to pretend that everything is fine and that you can simply just let go, there will always be times (esp at night) when you're alone and a memories come flooding to you and you can't help but feel sad. Hmm but if you can just hold on and tide through that night, it shows that you've become a stronger person (or maybe you've became numb to the pain) and the next time, you'll become more immune to that sadness. I guess the hardest thing for you to accept is that this guy who once made you think of marrying him has just crushed all your hopes on marriage.

Yeah and it sucks to know that the other party have very well moved on and probaly start loving someone else, leaving you at the very same spot. This reminds me of how one keeps on running on a trackmill, but no matter how long or how fast he tries to run, he'll end up on the same exact spot, how sad right. But this is how life is, sad. Haha I don't know when have I became so pessimistic about life, maybe it's like because as I grow older and go through much heartwrecking experiences, I learnt that as much as life has it's happy and colourful side, it also has it's depressing and dull side. So, I've to accept both the faces that life possess.

I'm sure there have been so many words that often lingered at the tip of your tongue, but no matter what, it just can't slip out of your mouth. Simply just so because you're afraid that it'll hurt the other party and how it may not acquire your desired outcome. Sometimes it's not because I don't want to try anymore but because I'm afraid to try cause the hurt inflicted was so painful that I can't imagine having to go through it again, don't want to go through the period that I can cry till I've no more tears and don't want to go through the My-life-is-a-disaster period again. It's scary to even think about it.

There are still so many things that I've learnt throughtout these whole two months but I'm really lazy to continue typing. I'm beginning to feel restless and drowsy cause of the the medicine. Sighhh although I've lost someone really important to me in life, but I gained and learnt alot more (: I think it's enough, enough of all these unnecessary stress that tries of comforting myself that all is well and everything is going to be just fine as long as I believe and trust that God will work things out for me. Wake up, reality is here okay, fairytales really doesn't exist anymore!!

Yawns, I need to sleep now. Oh yeah I forgot to mention that this is gonna be the last post on how sad and miserable my life is, cause from this very second on, I'll be a happy girl (:

Oh no ):

2010-08-30T04:03:00.002+08:00

I can't get to sleep no matter what,
counting sheeps doesn't help at all now ):

Why is it so difficult not to think about some things? ):

Okay I shall go do maths and just go straight to school,
and become panda eyes later.

Yawns

2010-08-29T02:47:00.001+08:00

Ahhh just finished collating all the photos so it's time to sleep if not I'll fall asleep during service or maths tuition tmr hahaha. Oh well, I've been really happy these few days, shall see how long this will sustain. I'm shocked at my sudden realisation, or maybe it's just that reality has sunk it and I'm more ready to move on. But either way, it's good (:
Oh well, I should just shelve all my plans away first, cause I'm afraid I'll feel upset again.

Hehe I know this is random but I really have to say this, Serangoon CC is such a nice place to study! I can just mug there for the entie day and forget about everything else :D

Goodnight <3

I know I'm standing alone, trying to make this life my own.

2010-08-26T02:21:00.005+08:00

Three more hours to school, still contemplating if I should appear later haha.

It's really one of the few nights I can actually relax and just chat on the phone with my favourite girlies for hours and hours. It felt good, really. I didn't know I could still smile and get so exciting when I'm relating our story, that was then I realise I didn't forget those feelings all these while. My emotions doesnt fluctuate so frequently now. I find that slowly, I'm returning back to who I am, cheerful and bubbly. Anyway I know clearly that you've moved on so I should too. But I've always wanted you to know that I've not changed at all, okay not that it matters anymore, just wanted you to know (:

A levels are so near and that scares me, not to mention prelims. I keep on thinking that I'll have to repeat J2 all over again, this really keeps my stress level at the optimal. Aiyaaaa should have concentrate and paid a little more attention in J1, I mean that's when you're gonna build up your basics right. And oh no, what if I can't get into NUS or NTU? I guess Mummy and Daddy will really be disappointed, and I'm not used to disappointing them. This gives me a great motivation to study, at least for them, I've to do my best.

Well I guess that as long as I've my focus right and feels motivated to fight to the very end, I can do it! But life moves pretty fast, so I shouldn't forget to stop and look around once in awhile, if not I could miss it. Some things are gone once you missed it, and there's no point regretting it after it happens cause regretting and thinking about it doesn't change anything at all. So all I can do, is to hope for the better.

So, hold back the tears, there's little reprieve.
If you show you're weak, you're accepting defeat.
I can be strong (:

Leave me alone.

2010-08-21T23:49:00.002+08:00

I may have recovered but there's always a scar being left behind,
so please stop adding on to my suffering.
You've already got the ending you desire so please stop here alright.
I don't want to think or get reminded about it again so please, just stop it here.

Sleepless night.

2010-08-18T00:44:00.005+08:00

I just finished doing a few sums on application of integration and contemplating whether or not to skip school tomorrow. Well, decided to be a good girl. Tough decision.

Do you realise that it's so easy for you to get use to someone being an integral part of your life. But when you lose that someone, it's so difficult to get use to not having him in your life. You start to think of all the happy times (of course there're sad ones too) and things that he used to say to, do with and for you. All these things suddenly seem great, something that actually kept you going when you're feeling tired and frustrated with work and family. Cause you know that at the end of the day, there's someone there for you to rely on and seek comfort from. Oh and then, you realise that you also have to get use to not doing some things that you do almost everyday. Sometimes, the days just simply feel imcomplete and you'll feel really lost.
And so, I'm beginning to learn how to hold my own trays (though it hasn't been really successful) cause promises don't hold anymore .

Then, everyone starts asking you if you're okay and you get this question at least twice a day? You know, even if you're really trying your best to get over it, you wouldn't because you're getting constant reminders of it. Somehow it just stays in your mind everyday, and it gets even worse when you actually get that question from a teacher. I ascertain you, you'll feel like killing yourself on the spot. So other than your really close friends who you're still willing to open up to, you'll get really accustomed to just saying yes I'm fine, so don't worry alright. Haha.

Okay, then you'll start to feel bad bothering your friends with all these problems and slowly close up and just keep everything to yourself. How great right.

System breakdown

2010-08-12T20:26:00.002+08:00

Yeah correct, I broke down today.
Somehow I just couldn't help it, I swear I did try my hundred and one percent not to.

I'm sorry for blowing off my top at you and disappearing after that,
I just thought I needed some time alone.

Objective testing.

2010-08-07T23:13:00.005+08:00

Nah, I thought it was going to be easy. It takes so much to pluck up my courage to be able to step foot onto that piece of land. No matter how wide my smile appeared to be today, somewhere at the back of my mind, you were lingering. That place just holds too much memories, memories that I actually hoped never existed in the first place. At every same spot, the feeling and thoughts I had that day just flooded back to me without mercy. It was painful to recall, but maybe the only way to make me face up to it.

Yeah it was a test and I failed,
oh well but glad that maybe you've actually passed it.

Will it be?

2010-08-05T23:25:00.002+08:00

My fever woke me up at 3am in the morning and I tried to get out of bed to get some panadol. I didn't know that I actually fell asleep while doing all-so-awesomeee-vector! After popping two pills into mouth, I don't know why I went on to study complex numbers which gave me headaches, then I thought I was just being plain dumb.

I went back to sleep,
hoping that when I wake up everything is all nothing but a long and scary nightmare.

An ice cream a day, keeps my frowns away. Okay not anymore.

2010-08-04T01:16:00.001+08:00

But my daily ice cream therapy doesn't seem to be working these few days,
throwing tamtrums and being emo momo as and when it comes.
Especially today (actually ytd), the magical thingy of an ice cream seems to have lost its effects on me. It's the only thing that can probably digest well in my stomach.

The stress level that's building up in me is reaching it's capacity, gonna exceed optimal level soon ):
I'm a girl with no life and doing GP at this hour which I should be getting my beauty sleep.
Sighh 'sleeping' seems to be a luxury for me now.
There's forever things that's on my agenda waiting for me to do, a thousand and one things.
Okay but that kinda makes me busy until some time like 2am, and then my thoughts will start running wild, like really wild. Sometimes when I try to pull myelf back to work, I find myself lifting my head up from the table and it's already 6am. And I don't know why I can think about someone, something (plus occasional dozing off) for a whole 4 hours.

I know I need to carry on with my life and stop all this nonsense that I'm giving myself, but it's just me being myself. How I wish my mind could rule my heart. I really wished so.

I'm sorry for turning away today,
I did try to put on a smile.

All inspiration, no motivation.

2010-08-01T23:41:00.002+08:00

This few days haven't been exactly great cause of the never-ending schoolwork, timed practices and afternoon lectures. Ninty plus more days to my big A's! ): Everything seems to be working at a faster pace and I'm trying very very hard to keep up, come back home dead tired everyday. I need a scholarship so that I can fly out of this country.

School has been a torture, hellish for me. Everyday I wake up trying to find a reason to tell mummy hoping that I'll get to skip school. Cause going to school means that I've to face everything that I'd wish I can just poof and forget. That's why sometimes I hope that I can just get knocked down by a car and lose my memory. How great would that be.

Try having someone saying 'You ruined it.' in your face when you don't mean for all these to happen, it can hurt like it never did before. And the worst thing is that, you try all your best to hate him for saying that but then realise you can't. You try to pretend that you're already moving on, but everyone can clearly see that you're still there, standing at the same spot. And then you realise, you're living in a world full of lies and facade.

I'm smiling

2010-07-29T22:36:00.002+08:00

I've been listening to this song (I'm smiling by BEG) for the whole of today,
you seldom find a song that sings your emotions and thoughts so perfectly.
Life have been hectic with schoolwork and all the afternoon lectures so this kind of keep my mind off some things.
But I hate those times when I lie on my bed waiting to fall asleep or when I'm travelling home alone,
my mind can run really wild and before I know my eyes are wet.

And I wonder, since when did putting on a smile became so difficult.

Someone

2010-07-25T12:32:00.003+08:00

Someone taught me that hope and disappointment comes in a pair,
and I can just do anything to keep myself sane and cheerful.

Someone else told me that these are all part and parcel of a relationship,
there are always happy and sad times but cherish all those memories.

Someone also told me that I've been so well protected since young,
so this time it's a chance for me to grow up and mature.

And the last someone made me keep a promise,
which I'm trying very hard not to break.

(:

Crash World

2010-07-19T20:10:00.002+08:00

This was the last time;

Reshuffle

2010-07-17T22:39:00.002+08:00

Two months ago, 'Teach me how to be be sad, disappointed or angry with someone..'
And today I said, 'Teach me how to be happy.'

I'm such an idiot.

Time machine

2010-07-13T00:07:00.001+08:00

I need one of that now.

I'm back to being a happy girl.

2010-07-08T00:39:00.003+08:00

I still think blogger is better,
I like tumblr only for their pretty pictures (that really speaks my heart) haha.

Today in the canteen, it seems like we the hockey girls went back to one year ago.
Gossip session ftw!
I haven't felt so happy for ages, simply being with you girls make me happy (:
Really miss the feeling of the whole team going through physical and trying to survive training/match together.
(And going to eat MOS after EVERY training.)

Hehehe and today my beloved 36/09 gers tied chopsticks hair with me :D
I know everyone was trying to make me happy,
that keat and chingz actually agreed to wear a headband!
<3

OH clay session was simply fantastic/fabulous,
Jessica was right about it being able to help reduce stress,
and I made this really really cute figurine :D

Gone are the days of worries, unhappiness, confusion and frustration.
Yeah life always make us choose and well, this time I did.
Time will heal (:

It's time to say goodbye

2010-05-08T14:39:00.003+08:00

Bye I've moved

Probably,I just love challenge.

2010-05-06T22:23:00.004+08:00

I guess what my sister said was true,
it did knock some serious sense into me.
Though it made me feel like I'm a complete idiot who asks for nothing in return.
I realise I always choose the the difficult route to take,
just simply can't settle for things that I don't have to fight for.

Maybe I'm just holding on to something that I once held onto;
not wanting to let it go.

cookie monster

2010-05-04T22:18:00.003+08:00

I feel like baking delicious cookies now,
cause mummy bought a new oven in place of my work-all-wonders microwave oven.

Monday morning

2010-05-03T08:25:00.002+08:00

Just completed my morning jog (:
My entire day will be dedicated to cultivating my artificial fruits for tomorrow.

Therory of Think-tank.

2010-04-24T22:14:00.002+08:00

Two blind people who meet each other on this crazily long journey called life and together,they went in search of their destination.

Recently I've been thinking quite alot,
especially about the upcoming A levels that's soon gonna drive me crazy.
I can't afford to do badly for it because mummy will just probably murder me.
And can't getting into university,or the faculty i desire would mean that i'm screwed.
Critical as it may seem,this is life.

Anyway i realise that only during weekends do i have appetite,
forced eating would only end up in me puking.
HAHA.

Flea Fly Flea (FFF)

2010-04-18T14:26:00.006+08:00

shopping therapy was way awesome then expected,
cause i practically bought everything that i'd wanted.
anyway it was sooo exceptionally fabulous because i was with my favourite girls (:
ytd just totally relieved the entire week's of sadness and stress.

but today,my sandals broke when i was walking home from church ):
thanks jessica,for the slippers.
and i woke up from a nap to find that i've a cut on my finger.
(i think i was abused by lim lecindra during my sleeeeeeeep,haha)

okay,i need to go back and cultivate my aritificial fruits niao.

My pillars of strength

2010-04-16T20:58:00.006+08:00

hey lovely girls (and one hard guy),
thanks for the company/hugs/messages just now (:
i know i've been quite emotional and unstable these few days,
crying buckets of water and making you all worried.
and those encouragement was just what i needed then,
thank you,really (:

hmm and to someone else,
thanks for the call (:
sometimes something you said can make me really happy for the whole day.
and you still owe me something which you promised me last night right? (:
haha.

F

2010-04-09T05:08:00.000+08:00

give me a gun now,
and i'll kill him.

seriously.

SLEEPING MODE

2010-04-07T01:20:00.006+08:00

i want to type a long long post because i'm so sick of doing gp,
homework seems to be (is) never ending.
my mum asked me 'why do you always have to do work till the wee hours?'
and without hesitation i answered 'cause i'm a j2!'
as quoted by keat, life sucks.

my mugging season had to start,
i needa throw an A into tck's face and tell him 'this is my artificial fruit.'
i grew the tree,fertilize it and the fruits ripen.
(internal joke)
my june holidays will be dedicated to chem&ever-so-lovely maths.
i need to set up a timetable (which i'll try my best to follow).
just to put my mind at ease,i'll do it.
also,i need to make a trip to popular soon to get the guidebooks which according to juinli is very difficult to find.

oh i'm gonna retake my 5items,
the results are like /:
my fitness is like going down down and down,
and this is obviously due to the lack of hockey training.
sighhh i miss all the laughter&sweat.
and of course my idol too,hahaha (:
anyway i don't understand why is it that everyone has lost their tan except for me!
this is so so so so soooo unfair.
not that yearn to be fair,
just that i don't want the colour contrast of my skin to be soextreme that my cousin could described me as colourful during chinese new year.

but luckily i've got my awesome 36/8 with me and some other people here and there to brighten my school days up :D
they're like my rainbow in the pitch.

<3

i thought i would;
but it turned out that i didn't

time check: 1.50AM

It's 1.40am

2010-04-05T01:28:00.006+08:00

i've actually decided to stay up through the night to mug econs&history,
but considering that i've got 2.4 to run tomorrow i should go and sleep.
oh man,have to wake up in fours hours' time D:

oh yeah,to that special someones;
since you all asked for this dedication i shall give it to you guys.
thanks for the wonderful day,
i know you all are so sick of my rantings but have no choice so just bear with them okay (:
dinner was awesome.really.
hahaha i really love you all alot <3

it's just another sunday

2010-03-21T15:34:00.007+08:00

i caught the rainbow that's within the pitch (:

okay today was a horrible day.
throwing me in ntuc to do grocery shopping is like throwing someone who cannot swim into the water D:
oh well but i survive it,
cause i found a wooden plank. (the auntie who looked like keat's grandma but turned out not to be)
haha like what i told aijia,
i'm not trained by my mum (who is actually not trained too) in domestic affairs.

sighh i still have to do last minute choinging of my schoolwork.
and school is starting tomorrow which mean tck is back into my life,omg D:
this is bad.

2010-03-16T12:29:00.002+08:00

march holidays;
i need to catch up with my schoolwork,esp my favourite subject-maths.
and get back in touch with some people (:
life has been hectic for the past three months,
i need a good rest.

oh well,
life without hockey is a bore.

please stop

2010-03-13T16:07:00.001+08:00

if life is going to continue like this,
i'll sink into acute depression soon.

it's a game of pride

2010-03-09T15:53:00.004+08:00

friday;
last match.

please give it our best shot.

just smile

2010-02-25T21:20:00.001+08:00

(:

i think this smiley face sums up everything,haha.

ARGH

2010-02-17T22:02:00.004+08:00

i'm so freaking angry now,
just buzz off.

but on a happy note,
i enjoyed myself at pokemon's house :D
and our msn outing was awesomeee,haha.

LOVE LAW {LL}

2010-02-12T22:20:00.003+08:00

i miss celebrating valentines' day in cedar.
the amount of sweets/chocolate/cookies collected could feed me up to one month,haha.
oh well LAW baking was awesomeee,
the cookies were very much of a success :D
and aijia persuaded people to eat them by saying 'don't worry la,lev only did the shaping of the dough so the cookie is edible.'
the CNY celebration performance was funny haha.

anyway i didn't receive any flowers this year ):
i'm sad.

litttle mermaid.

2010-02-06T20:35:00.003+08:00

i'm sorry;
for not being able to call out for ball.
for not being able to inform you girls when i'm passing.
for not being able to shout to tell you that i can't receive your balls.
and for leaving only the ten of you on the pitch when my wrist got injured.

i feel really bad about it.

thirtysixOHnine

2010-02-04T21:50:00.003+08:00

picking up litters can never be fun,but it's different when threesix does it together.
i loveeee those girls even more after today.
it's difficult finding something so special and precious in aj,
gotta treasure it :D

we're the girls,we're the girls.
we're the girls from thirtysix,
we've comeeee to show our powerrrr,
we're the one and only class.
THIRTY SIX!

what a busy week

2010-01-31T07:58:00.004+08:00

CCAcarnival
started our preparation on tuesday,
AJ hockey sticks/banners/boards can be seen everywhere around school :D
haha was stayed in school till 9pm to finish everything.
thank you guys&girls for coming down to help!
managed to pull two whole lists of people to come down for try-outs.
oh the hockey promotional video was way awesomeeee.

Service Learning
cabbed down to telok blanga after training,
cab fares(for the whole week) have burned a large hole in my pocket,haha.
some of the kids were really rowdy but some were even more sensible then me i think.
oh hahaha i acted as a thief that went to steal a handphone to teach them the value of honesty.
and seriously,i don't know why keat's group is so protective over her to the extent that they came to bully us.
hehe was in the same group as germz and marcia, JEAN GREY ftw :D

juinli said: i can't walk much cause i fell and bruised/scrapped my knee.
lev said: i can't walk/run much cause i pulled my muscle.
keat said: i can't walk cause i've got SHORT LEGS.
what a joke,
haha.

congratulations in joining the AJ family

2010-01-27T23:16:00.004+08:00

JC1s are coming in tomorrow.
i think it'll be funny seeing cedarian's glum faces when they step into the school,
and all my brother's friends who's being posted there.
oh i'll loathe the canteen even more now,
since it'll be so so crowded.

have to wake up early tomorrow for the run,
okay i should turn in soon if there's no homework :D

i {loveee} you hockers,i really do.

2010-01-24T17:31:00.009+08:00

i almost cried when i saw cass got injured,
and joanne came to say: lev if you cry i'll whack you.

yes yes hockey is a dangerous sports and accidents do happen every now and then.
maybe i should try to stop getting whacked by sticks/balls.
(okay not that i want to,but yeah.)

i really want everyone(the whole AJ hockey) to be safe when playing on pitch,
i don't want to see anymore accidents happening to anyone D:
we only have 35 more days left,
so please take care okayy.

hockey girls&guys;
please do not give up at this point of time,
all of us have this potential to play to our fullest.
no matter how many years/months/days you've been playing hockey,
as long as you played your best,
you're the world's best player (:
learn from the mistakes and not dwell on them.

&quoting from jx's blog:
don't lose faith, because if you believe in yourselves no one can put you down,
don't lose courage, because you need all the strength you have to fight,
don't lose your fighting spirit, because the remaining days will get tougher,
don't lose your determination, because you need to hold on to survive,
don't give up, because you've come too far to give everything away,
and don't ever lose your team spirit, because without it, nothing is possible, because only your team where everyone is in it together with you gives you faith, courage, fighting spirit and determination, all that you need to work miracles.

we're a team and we'll work miracles,
we supports each other through ups and downs,
cover up for each other when necessary.
oh laughter,sweat and tears will also all be in unison.

and i decided that from hookers,we'll become hockers :D

smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

2010-01-21T22:57:00.003+08:00

everything has been wonderful these few days (:
3hour long talk with my awesomeeee kor <3
& saiful's belated birthday celebration!

oh except for the minor car accident that i got into this morning.

we're a team

2010-01-17T02:11:00.003+08:00

good job girls!
it's a nice start and everything will only get better alright(:
so we'll just endure and go through all the tough/happy times together yeahhh.
and pleaseee know that you're never alone.

hear my cries

2010-01-13T21:37:00.005+08:00

it's bleeding,and it wouldn't stop.
as much as I want to forget,
his image gets clearer every second.

smiley face

2010-01-09T21:35:00.003+08:00

thirtysixohnine chalet :D
tpy ntuc with melv and i had a hard time trying to find sweet potatoes.
in the end we cabbed there cause it rained (and there was 35% extra charge,argh)
started to show off my outdoor cooking first IC skills by trying to set up the fire which ended up nicely done,yay!
haha quite a number of people turned up,
snap a few photos and celebrated mel's birthday (:
okay i had a few sips of drink's drinks,
so it wasn't as bad as the previous chalet /:
i cabbed home and missed the midnight charges (which is 50% of the total fare) by 2mins,
haha was so happy about that.
went back the second day and we camped in the room to play some STUPIDDD games,which i lost terribly.
hope the forfeits wouldn't be uploaded on fb,haha.
bbq again and ariel was nice (with a motive actually,haha) to walk me out to the bustop.

met up with aijia and mok ytd :D
original plans was to study at bishan cc but we ended up in aijia's house.
haha sotong balls ftw (:

hockey training was goooooooooooood :D
haha had so much fun with the girls.
we had YOSHINOYA lunch,and it's a super uber big achievement cause we didn't eat MOS (:
okay la just laugh all you girls&guys want,
i'm so immune to it already,haha.
(oh man saiful laughed too though)

it's a early early morning

2010-01-04T09:37:00.004+08:00

yawns it's 9plus in the morning.
and i'm so bored that i came to blog,haha.
my dad woke me up when i was in the middle of a sweet sweet dream D:
it was my first dream of the year okay and he had to destroy it like that.
argh,bad daddy haha.
my plans was actually to wake up at eleven,pack my stuffs and go out straight to meet the girls for lunch (which most probbably will be mos AGAIN) and then awesomeeee hockey training.
oh well training will help me to lose some mugger fats (as quoted from someone huh).
haha but the fact is mugger stress killed my appetite so i should have lost weight :D
woohoooo.

p.s i really can't wait for the popeye's in jubilee to start business cause i'm seriously craving for their mash potato!

i'm tired of being tired

2010-01-03T15:45:00.001+08:00

i've got a taste of betrayal yesterday,
but i'll make it the last time.

cause it spoils my tastebuds.

a new start

2009-12-31T23:12:00.010+08:00

it's gonna be a brand new year :D
new year's eve was spent with vanessa,gin,mohd,ami,zn,lio,adwin and ahbi.
(actually i don't usually list out all the names,haha)

had our dinner at suntec astons.
oh well,teasing was full force (as usual) tonight.
haha i had my all-time favourite chargrill chicken (:
yummyyyy.

okay it's thanks-giving time.

hockey girls&guys it's really been a up-and-down year with you girls and everything we did was lovely ttm.i think i can never ever forget all those mos burger meals we have after every training,which actually can sum up to three times per week!sometimes there might be disagreements between us but often it'll just disappear with a puff,i really love you girls :D

haha and for the guys,it had been nice and fun having trainings with you all (: you guys make us toughen up alot (okay,maybe not that much actually) in a game.and bbq was fun!

aijia&vanessa&gin&winghay i know i've been ranting about the same thing over and over again and i really appreciate that you all can listen about it over and over about it,hahahaha.you girls seriously brought colours to my life and on monday we should start whacking ballsssssss!

36/09 amazing class and i'm glad i spent a year with you although i don't know if this class of ours will keep intact next year,haha.we've been through all the shit together this year and we'll continue to be there for each other okay

bradster babes all the never ending choinging mugger sessions just before promos was loveeee.haha all the nonsense we went through together and bradster babes sentosa outing was fabulous!especially during parajump when i die die also don't want to jump,but you galzs' encouragement was what made me take the step and jump!LEV YOU ALL!

the korean yobusayeo.you're in korea now and so remember to bring back all the niceee food for me okay!especially kimchi (my favourite) :D thank you for being like an elder sister to me for this past year and seriously listening to all my rantings and nonsense no matter what time of the day is it!I LOVE YOU.

jessica&charmaine&melissa you three have been tangled with me for years!and i guess we can never untangle yourselves and go seperate ways in this lifetime,haha.i'm glad our friendship stood strong throughout all this years.and you know i love you three like nobody's business!

ella&joy i know we drifted real lot this year,but i really loveee you two alottt okay.we've all been busy with our own trainings but nothing changes our friendship.the two years we spent together was really happy happy and happy :D muackxz.

mok i've tons to thank you about you know,hahaha.but everything's in the heart and i know you know what i want to say to you.you've been there for me for 5 whole years,and it was really awesome having you by my side! :D

huishan oh man i just realised we've known each other for 5 years!hahahahaha thank you for all your nonsense that add much laughter to my life and teaching me the art of tapping people's shoulders okay :D love ya!

joshua you've kept that secret really well :D thank you and good job!and you know yours are safe with me,hahahahhaa.oh and thank you for the talks too.and please give me the cupcake recipe! :D

ami my wonderful teasing partner huh.thanks for everything :D hahahaha shouldn't mention about stuffs here if not the rest will use this as a new topic to tease righttt,hahaha.

cutie's admirer (aka mohd!) hahaha nice name right,i know you like it!yeah thanks for all the nonsense you've provided through all the messages and msn conversations.hahaha it has really been fun with you for this past half year and we should have huron outing soon :D

a new year,
a new start.
GO GO GO!

santa's coming to townnnn

2009-12-26T01:13:00.003+08:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS! :D
oh well I spent my day mugging.
but I still had a feast though cause aijia's mum cooked really yummy chilli crab,haha.
and there was a party at lang's house today which I left before even eating turkey and my favourite prawn salad ): sobs.
okay i'm falling really ill so I shouldn't go out tomorrow and start spreading germs around!
by the way,it really sucks to be studying when you're sick.

knock some sense into this life of mine

2009-12-21T23:24:00.003+08:00

the journey home today made me think alot,
all aspect of life actually.
i don't know why i've been feeling kinda down&out recently,
the same feeling as when i got the eternal goodbye from you.
at some instances i feel that my existence in this world wouldn't make much of a difference to anyone.
and the feeling kinda sucks.

oh well,i guess it's just because of the stress i've been feeling due to rpaper.

this is how i spell L-O-V-E

2009-12-16T21:26:00.004+08:00

hockey bbq :D
cum 'the perfect getaway' with the girls(:
woohhoooo enjoyed everything that we did.
i've to say that gin gin was really brave,
i declare her as 'my-idol-of-the-day'!

it was gooood bonding for the girls&guys too (:
and it was even better cause saiful came,haha.

crazyyyy midnighttalk

2009-12-11T05:12:00.002+08:00

okay i'm really bored now.
had a phone conversation with vanessa longggg till 3.38am (to be exact),haha.
we can talk crap like no one's business,
but it's these mid-night talks that i missed.
she called at 130am and my ringtone woke my whole family up /:
ohhhh i can't believe ami firdaus just fell asleep like that,
omg he's the best seriously.
hahahahaha he's going to oversleep again.

yay watching new moon and bbq on monday :D
i'm going to play squirrel and tree with gin,
*evil laughters* haha.

okayyy training in two hours (:

what a day

2009-12-08T06:27:00.002+08:00

i think it's a reallyyy crazy time to be blogging now.
but i need to voice this horrible day(yesterday i mean) out.
training was hell tough,but fun :D
lunch at our all-time 'favourite' restaurant,
and then was a miraculously-crazy-long three hours bus ride home with gin.
i swear i almost died on the bus with my splitting headache.
reached home at almost six and i went to sleep with a fever ):
checked my precious phone,
and i got a freaking message.
okay i wouldn't wantt to elaborate on that.

on a happy note,
mummy bought me the pair of shoes that i've been eyeing for months :D

haaa chooooooo

2009-12-04T01:28:00.001+08:00

i'm trying to catch my nose back /:
haha.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GERMAINE :D

2009-11-29T20:36:00.002+08:00

these few days were awesomeeee,
it was like everlasting fun :D

went back to cedar for open house on sat with the hockey girls,
the school is pretty ttm.
everything seems familiar,
yet foreign at the same time.
haha i know it sounds weird,
but that was how i felt then.

and today was lev-ly germz's birthday,
woke up early in the morning to get to tpy to give this girl a surprise.
in the end she was still sleeping at homeeee /:
laze(or rather sleep) around in her house till twelve,
and we went to eat yakun.
after that was pool at safra.
hehe lastly was shopping with mummy and feldman :D
love everything i did today!
wooohooo.

the sweetness in my heart

2009-11-21T20:41:00.003+08:00

i loveeee ice cream :D
haha aijia and i had TWO servings of ice cream yesterday :D
one before and one after training!
the rest ate after hockey.
i ate strawberry and strawberry banana,
it was really yummyyyyyy.

i don't know why,
but eating ice cream makes me really happy (:
vanessa and aijia thought i was crazy smiling to myself while eating it,haha.

i love you

2009-11-19T21:53:00.002+08:00

my poor bro ):

i really feel like giving him a tight hug now,
but he's putting on a strong front infront of us.
i don't know how i should comfort him and it's making me feel really bad and worried.

you must be strong okay (:

friends are jewels [:

2009-11-11T19:52:00.003+08:00

it feels nice bumping into a long lost friend on the street,
and how heartwarming it is to see the joy on his face when he sees you.
he hasn't changed since 4 years ago (apart from the appearance),
and this makes think what made me change so much,haha.

{striving for what i want}

2009-10-30T01:46:00.003+08:00

it sucks when you can't do things that you like,
my dad forbids me to go for hockey now.
but obviously i'll get my way around it.
i loveeee this sports too much to give it up,haha.

i need sleeeepppp,
cause my eyes bags and dark circles are covering my eyes soon.

my dear friend;

2009-10-29T10:08:00.003+08:00

it takes time to learn how to love yourself,
and even more confidence to love youself.
it's not worth it to shed even a single tear for someone who dosen't care.
we learn and become mature through all these obstacles we meet in life,
and i know you'll tide through it.
grit your teeth,
be strong and know that i'm always here,
ily(:

white grand piano

2009-10-20T23:51:00.002+08:00

where did aj get the money to buy this grand piano? -me
i heard it was second hand. -juinli

haha.

when i repeated this joke;
i thought it was borrowed! -cass

hahahahahahahahaha.

the way of life

2009-10-12T21:09:00.003+08:00

promos are finally overrrrrrrrr,
but i don't know why i feel empty.
as if i've lost the aim of the year.
haha but i've got lotsa fun these few days.
and a phone call telling me that i've to retake history paper horrrr,idiot.
hahahaha but i was funny though.
kbox and sentosa was LOVEEEEEE.

sentosa was way awesomeeee.
with keat,germz and chingz,
did parajump and luge :D
haha i was stuck on the ledge for 10mis cause i dare not jump and my slippers fell off during the skyride/:
retarded.
oh i bought a new pair of slippers from num :D
and had great dinner at manpuku!

anyway i really need to recommend swallow the sun,
their acting were really good!

a vow for life

2009-10-04T02:56:00.002+08:00

linda's wedding :D
i think it's the coolest wedding i've ever attended.
it was in a pub!
the counter attendant actually asked me:would you like some drink?beer or wine?
hahahaha i said no thanks.
i don't know what stupid stuff i'll do if i get drunk again.
i guess photos will be up on fb soon (:

alright he'll be gone for my promo week,
no distraction.

this is when i realise

2009-09-28T22:08:00.002+08:00

health,i swear,is the most important thing that one must possess.
my heart sinks every single time when i hear the moaning and groaning in the night during my stay in the hospital.
and that prevented me from getting any sleep these two days.

lord i pray that everything will be fine;

it's gonna end with a .

2009-09-26T06:18:00.002+08:00

promos in a few days;

and it turned me into a hardcore mugger.
with no life.

i swear i'm going to play my hearts out after promos and pw marathon.

hockey,movies, chalets, gatherings, sleepovers, etc.
my motivation :D

promos

2009-09-19T22:33:00.001+08:00

sengkang starbucks;

loner mugging was hell lot effective :D

buddies 4eva (:

2009-09-18T23:49:00.003+08:00

haha char and mel are still at my house studyingggggg :D
they say that my presence is a distraction to them,
but i shall take it as a compliment!

okayyy from now on the whole post will be about mel :D
haha.

hey girl,
i love you to bits and pieces :D
i think the 3ofus share a really unique frienship,
one that ties can never be broken no matter how long we've not been in contact.
anyway we agreed that you should apend less time with oli and channel them to us :D
haha remmeber i'm alway here okay.
hehe you're still the same,
as blur as sotong :D

i think you two are going to KO soon,
haha.

positive&negative externalities

2009-09-14T01:30:00.002+08:00

studied econs for the whole of yesterday :D
met ariel at bishan for an hour or two to atudyyyy.
and the first thing he said to me in the library so LOUDLY was 'BASTARD'!
everyone stared.

dinner out,
as usual.
but nice food :D

as requested by char;
hello my dear friend :D
we've been through ups and downs together for more than 6 years,
from primary school,to secondary school, and up till now.
haha i remember how we used to play 'ice&water' in primary school during recess time and how we come up with ways and means during sec school just to pon cca.
and the countless times that we visited pizza hut for lunch that i think the waiter probably know us by now.
of course,i needa say a BIG thank you for always listening to my everything and anything esp about those rubbish problems and letting me rant on and on and on.
YOU ROCK :D

love you always(:

korea?courier?haha.

2009-09-13T10:58:00.004+08:00

woke up at 630am in the morning and went to church :D
haha bro and sis are still helping out in church for feast day,
while i accompanied mummy for grocery shopping at the new NTUC building in hougang(:
omg we spent like 80bucks on those stuff,
never knew that all those things actually costs so muchhhh.

study session with ami at amk library yesterday :D
PRODUCTIVE FOR US!
like finally,haha.
i did econs and maths(hated!).
and i read this book that says if we drink red wine,eat dark chocolate and nuts everyday in moderation,we can prolong our life by 6 years :D
oh yeah,borrowed this book called 'essentials of economics' by John Sloman.
it's useful.
went to popular and bought this super cool paper 'fastener' for my notes.
then we took 132 back to hougang and i finally had my dinnnnnnner! :D

my favourite is food now;
but like since when it isn't.
haha.

oh yeah i met donald two days ago,
he's having an awesomeeeee life now.
what he does all day long is just to play piano and keep himself healthy by playing sports.
no chem,maths,econs,gp or history.
i'm so envious of him,
how i long for a such a life.
and donald law,i do mean it when i said you become more good-looking okay,
not sacastic.
haha.

just a note to you:
i'm sorry,
it's making me guilty again.
the pain was too hard for me to bear,
that's why i gave you up.
am i being insensitive to say that i'm having a good life now,
or was it simply wrong for me to try to lead a better life?
i love my everything now,
how things had used to be.
if ignoring me for the rest of your life is a better choice for you,
do it alright?

cleared

2009-09-11T22:48:00.004+08:00

today was a happy day :D
lalalala.

the weekend is gonna be the last lap of the holidays,
choing ahhhhh.
haha.

bishan cafe cartel with the usuals.
studyyyy&oreo cheesecake(:
(thanks to cheryl's mum!)

but i didn't get my mee siam today D:
(well,this is thanks to my mum,haha.)

oh yeah,i fast for the fourth day!

what a fine day

2009-09-11T03:26:00.000+08:00

i fell asleep on my table,
and woke up because i suddenly felt damn hungry.
haha.

study session;
with zhaoming,cheryl and ami.
unproductive i'd say ):
okay,well it was productive for me and kzm in the morning only.
until like ami came la.
talk so much,haha.
oh yeah,met ms begam when waiting for bus(:
she look prettier!haha.

met up with churchies to complete the farewell stuff,
and we camwhore-d :D
dinner was good too!

i realised something today;
there's astons in amk! :D

basket

2009-09-09T23:56:00.001+08:00

i saw b&b today.

sometimes i'd the rash to go up to him and shout in face:
so you still have the cheek to appear infront of her?after doing such stuff you should just scram away as far as possible!do you know your actions hurt her so much and she totally changed into another person.though she didn't say,but as a 8-years-friend of her,i know how much she's been suffering inside,even up till now.but you can actually enjoy yourself and going around boasting about how that other girl is your girlfriend.and hello,when cedarians talk bad about you,that's the consequences of YOUR actions and not what she said.infact she only told a few of us,whom which obviously hate you to the core now.so you can't blame us for being bitchyyyyyy.

yucks.

my dad just told me a joke;
在一间公司里，老板跟他所有的员工说：怕老婆的站在我的左边，不怕老婆的就站在我的右边。
除了一员工站到右边以外，其他所有的的员工都站到了老板的左边。
他们全部都为那一名员工鼓掌。
不过他说道：不是的，因为我的老婆说我不能去太多人的地方。

hahahahaha i had a good laugh :D

i'll pay to buy sleep

2009-09-08T20:51:00.001+08:00

history presentation went well :D

anyway i fast today,
except for the can of coffee that i accidently drink because it was a must.
talking about coffee,
i drank it for the first time today,
and it tastes quite nice actually.

3hrs for history tutorial,
lunch out with vanessa :D

and the highlight of the day was sadly,not the new beautiful hairband that i bought, but falling asleep on the bus and letting it bring me all the way to tampines.

and i came home to sleeeppppp again :D

oh finally foooooddd.

screw the education system

2009-09-08T03:36:00.000+08:00

tell me what am i doing at this hour infront of the computer when it's like holidayyyyy.

-.-

drugs and cigarettes are health hazards

2009-09-07T21:18:00.000+08:00

2nd PT session today,
with cass,joanne,gin,aijia,jasmine and zak.

warmup two rounds
15mins continuous jog
6x200 intervals (< 50secs)
3x300 intervals (< 80secs)
2x20 push up (normal&diamond)
2x25 crutches
bridge (30,50,50secs)
2x10m lunches

try doing them if you think it's easy,
especially the intervals.

lunch/dinner out at subway with the girls(:
and 14pieces nuggets with gin after that.
what a pig.

i should have a daily funny convo column on my blog :D

me: omg my phone dropped into the freaking drain!
ami: EWW!
me: you're a meanie,i hate you :p
ami: haha but really EWW what,hahahahaha am i supposed to go AWWWWW?

running makes you forget

2009-09-06T22:20:00.001+08:00

completed 5km run today :D
in about 30mins i think.
but sadly i've not touched any lecture notes or tutorials,
this is what staying at home does to me.

anyway;
tell me what's the point of having holiday when there's like lectures and tutorials planned for us from monday to wednesday,
no difference from normal school day righttttt.

school sucks,
pw sucks,
life sucks.

cheryl: why is it happy pig day today?
me: probably cause i saw cheryl chen today! :D
-laughters from cherie and i-

-handsigns-
me: eiffel tower?
melv: hahahahahaha,BIG BEN!

haha.

5th september

2009-09-05T22:31:00.000+08:00

STUDY PARTY :D
with cheryl,cherie and mok.
10am to 8.30pm
tell me how can i be not proud of myself?haha.

4th september

2009-09-04T01:32:00.004+08:00

woah i've been awake for almost full 24 hours,
since 2am yesterday.
haha but a certain someone's photos are keeping me awake,haha!
so cuteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee :D

oh yeah i forgot to mention about pt on wednesday.
attendance was pathetic with only cass,wh,jasmine,myitzu and me ):
but it was good training though :D
those who didn't come this week should just prepare to die next week,haha.
i sound evil.